Positive Feedback

Positive feedback, when done skillfully, is a powerful tool for fostering connection; increasing motivation; reinforcing desired behaviors; and generating both individual and group-level learning. 

And yet, I coach many leaders who initially struggle with giving positive reinforcing feedback. 

Is your default habit to mostly (or only) give feedback when something is wrong/bad/broken? If so, it’s likely that your “positive feedback practice” is either: occasionally doling out vague praise that a recipient doesn’t absorb or learn from; or not giving it at all. 

When you skip or short-change positive feedback, you lose the opportunity to: reinforce a behavior; help a teammate internalize an accomplishment; and scale/multiply success across the larger team. 

Once you realize the potential of positive feedback, it’s likely you’ll resolve to engage in it more frequently. However, when the effort to express positive feedback initially feels difficult, awkward and unnatural--it’s easy to slip back into old habits.

As you set out to build this habit, it can be helpful to have micro-scripts or templates to practice your way into this skill feeling natural and easier. The more reps you get, the more you try out these foreign words; the more fluent you will feel. And the more positive experiences you have giving positive feedback, the more you’re likely to engage in it again and again. And that’s how you form the habit. 

I’ve compiled below a list of “micro-scripts” or fill-in-the blanks you can use to engage in positive feedback that will be more memorable, influential and motivating than vague praise (“Nice work.” “Looks good” “Awesome job”). 

Two rules for use of these scripts: 

1 - Don’t ever use these scripts to fake it! All the feelings, thoughts and beliefs you express need to feel authentically true for you, even if you need to get very specific and precise with folks to isolate your authentically positive thought or feeling from other thoughts or feelings that you have which aren’t positive. 

2 - The scripts are meant to be the core nugget building block of the positive expression. Sometimes these short phrases can stand on their own, but other times you might be more effective integrating them into a longer conversation flow. So, start with these as a foundation and then add to them to make it sound like you and fit your specific situation. 

Below are seven micro-scripts you can use to practice your positive feedback. These can be delivered verbally (as part of a 1-1 or during a group meeting) or written/asynchronously (via Slack, email or chat). 

Try one of these scripts each day for the next week and see which ones work best for you. Seven scripts over seven days. Go! 

PS - If you find this post helpful, feel free to include me as one of your first seven days recipients. You can email me at hello@anamaria.coach with 1-2 sentences of positive feedback about this post (#4 or #7 scripts might work well for that). 

#1: “When you ___[video camera visible behavior]____, I felt ____[positive emotion from left-hand side of The Feelings Chart]____.”

#2: “I believe in your ___[state something affirmative about their skill, mindset or ability]____. I believe you can do this.”

#3: “I realized I may have been overlooking you a bit and not giving you enough feedback because you are doing so well. Here are a few things I wanted to give you some positive feedback about _____[give positive feedback about their impact; esp things that either of you may be taking for granted or undervaluing’]____”

#4: “I wanted to thank you for ___[thing you said/did]____. More specifically, here’s what that meant ____[explain significance to you or to the team or to the metric, etc.]___________”

#5: “I wanted to let you know the way(s) in which I see how you have made ___[this team/situation/project that generally is subject of negative conversations]___ better… __[explain the ways this person took a negative thing and made/is making it better]_____”

#6: “This is something I think often in my work with you, but I haven’t told you ever/lately. I wanted to make it clear to you that you are valued here on this team/at this company. I value you for __[reasons; stories why you personally value their skills/contributions/mindsets/behavior/effort]_________” 

#7: “You were helpful to me/us/the team when you ___[specific thing they did/said]_______.”