#WhenYourMomIsACoach

“MAMA!!! Finn won’t play Legos with me!!!” My then-four-year-old daughter wailed to me from across the kitchen. 

It was another Saturday morning with my beloved brunch crew--a group of four neighborhood couples with kids who take turns hosting all the families at their house. We cross our fingers that the little ones will play peacefully together long enough for the parents to nourish ourselves with apple pancakes, masala eggs and adult conversation. 

Without missing a beat, I turned to my daughter and shot back: “Well, I guess you’ll just have to try a different influence strategy then.” She nodded and ran back to the playroom. I turned back to my friends who were doubled over laughing and gave them a quizzical look. 

“Are you her mom or her executive coach?” One of them finally managed to gasp out between giggles. 

I started laughing then, too. “Well….when your mom is a coach….” I trailed off. 

A hashtag was born. 

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I am a coach. I am a mom.  And sometimes I like to write about what happens at the intersection of these two identities. 

• Like how teaching a toddler to back float helped me learn the difference between safety and comfort

• Or how my then six-year old helped me learn a new emotion regulation technique

• And even how being pregnant gave me a new perspective on the ambivalence many founders feel 

I also feel gratified by the coaching work I’ve done with clients who are confronting their own intersections as leaders and parents.

•  Like the time I had a coaching conversation with a female founder who was deciding to not have children in part because founding companies had fully satiated her desire to generate and nurture. 

• Or the time I coached a founder who was trying to figure out if he wanted to start a family at a time when his startup was already demanding so much of him.

• Or when I helped a pregnant CEO write a letter to her company to artfully explain how she was going to create a maternity plan that worked for her without limiting the choices future parents on her team would feel they could make.

• And, of course, every time I’ve helped a female client navigate fertility challenges, tough pregnancies, and transitioning back to work post-maternity leave

When your mom is a coach, you can count on lots of chats about feelings at mealtime and someone who is always ready to debrief with you about the latest interpersonal conflict on the playground. My daughter once told her kindergarten teacher that her mom “works for Feelings” ---one of the best descriptions of coaching I’ve ever encountered. 

And my hope is that when your coach is a mom, it will feel that much safer to talk about your dreams, hopes, fears, struggles and joys as a prospective or actual parent. I believe these conversations need to be in bounds because: (1) they directly affect your ability to lead; and (2) there is so much you can learn in your personal/family life that can translate to how you lead. 

Sometimes I offer up my own experiences when I think it would be validating when my clients are struggling. 

• Yes, I too had that professional woman panic moment when I wondered: omg, am I leaning out? 

• Yes, I too endured soul-crushing, productivity-killing pregnancies and antenatal depression. 

• And yes, I too have watched firsthand how the fragmentation and distraction of starting a family can slow your company’s growth and generate self-doubt. 

But I’ve also lived to tell those tales (and so many others) and they’ve enriched me. 

I’m a better mom (and a better coach) for it. 

#WhenYourMomIsACoach #WhenYourCoachIsAMom