Stress Management: Part II

Startup leaders often already have greater-than-average capacity to take on stress, so whenever they face prolonged or heightened stress, they need to increase that capacity. 

This is where self-care becomes more than just a best practice or a foundation---it becomes non-negotiable. 

This is one form of self-care practice inventory I use with my clients---you start with physical needs: 

SLEEP
You know how much sleep you need to perform at your best. As a leader, you should already be sleeping as if it were your job. In a crisis, you can’t let quality sleep slip. Know the # of hours you need, add an extra 30 minutes as buffer, and get to bed on time to make that happen. 

NUTRITION
Everyone has different diet needs and restrictions so I won’t get too prescriptive. You have to fuel yourself in a healthy and sustainable way for this crisis---especially because it will be weeks or months long.  

EXERCISE
Do it. Even if it’s just a 30-min walk while you’re taking a phone call. If you’re experiencing any lower-case “t” traumatic stress you might also consider adding a physically vigorous activity (running, dancing, cycling, cardio workout online) as that helps to move stressful energy through your system and out of your body.

IMMUNITY
Attending to sleep, nutrition and exercise will all help strengthen your immunity, but you might also consider extra steps during this period (supplements, aromatherapy, etc.) My personal practice is:  zinc lozenges and eating little/no added sugar when I notice myself starting to feel run down. 

REST
Make sure you are doing the things that restore your energy instead of deplete it. As my coach Ed said out loud while coaching me once: fun is not rest. (Don’t worry, I’ll talk about fun below). You need to rest to let your brain physically recover. You need to rest otherwise you won’t be able to grow from the stress you’re experiencing. Sleep is restorative. Breaks can be too. Make a list of your restorative activities and make sure you are spending time on them. 

Then, once you’re physical needs are met you can turn more fully to pyschological needs: 

SUPPORT
During stressful crises, it’s critical to lean on the “helper” relationships you’ve cultivated along the way. Call your coach. Talk to your therapist. Reach out to peers/friends/advisors/mentors who share your professional context. Find people who can both empathize/connect with you AND offer perspective. And if you’re blanketly assuming that these people might be overloaded helping others during a crisis, I’d encourage you to rely on them to set those boundaries vs. holding back on reaching out yourself. Professional helpers are professional for a reason---they are resilient, they manage their own boundaries, and they have cultivated their own support systems so they can show up fully for you. 

CONNECTION
You’re human and wired for connection. For those of us who are in self-isolation or practicing other forms of social distancing we need to be even more intentional in how we connect with people in virtual ways. Consider making a list of people (individuals or groups) whom you want to stay connected to during this time and set some intentions for how you will increase a sense of connection with them. Keep in mind that people bid for connection in a myriad of different ways and try to find ways that work for both parties or for everyone involved. 

JOY, FUN, LIGHTNESS
I say this as a person who is prone to serious-ness under normal conditions---so when I am in crisis mode I have to slow down even more to focus on spotting and savoring moments of joy. The trick of course is to not barrel into joy, fun, lightness with another person who isn’t ready to join you there. Pick your moments, places and people. But do find ways to experience joy, fun and lightness multiple times a day. Humor makes tough truths easier to see and experience. Laughter can bring physiological relief. Find the version of fun and happy that works for you and make sure you’re getting some every day. 

ADAPTIVE DISTRACTIONS
It can be highly adaptive to take a mental break and distract yourself from your stress with some other form of entertainment or stimulation. What makes that break “adaptive” is whether or not you feel better in some way after taking it. “Better” could mean: more relieved, more calm, more centered, more energized, etc. On the other hand, if the distraction feels good in the moment, but you feel worse after it---that’s a warning sign. I once coached a client who liked milkshakes. He didn’t drink them often but saved them for when he needed a sugary treat at times of stress. It brought him joy and he always felt better returning to work after his secret trips to the local ice cream shop. I have another client who loves “immigrant sitcoms” -- it’s clear how much joy she takes in watching a few episodes, connecting with her own family’s cultural experiences, and feeling moved and touched by something different than the goings-on in the world. To be clear: adaptive distractions are not numbing out your emotions with substances in an unhealthy or long-lasting way. They are not binge-watching shows in such a way that it routinely compromises your sleep. Those behaviors are more likely to be maladaptive. Keep track of the difference. 

INFORMATION INTENTIONALITY
I talk often with my clients about attention management and how their attention is a precious and finite resource that they need to manage carefully and thoughtfully. This is especially true in a crisis or any heightened stress situation when there is both real dynamism in an unfolding situation and the illusion of dynamism fueled by a 24-hour news cycle and attention-grabbing notifications. You need to help your brain discern the information it needs, at the frequency you need it. For some that might mean monitoring news only once daily, for others it might be more or less frequent. The point is that it be intentional consumption of information vs. reflexively glancing at notifications, websites or television screens. Decide what information you need/want. Decide from whom you will get it. Decide how often you want to get it. And then ignore everything else. That will take some effort. You will likely need to turn off notifications when other people or app designers want to undermine those decisions you’ve made. Be intentional. Stick to it. Otherwise you will waste time, energy and attention that would otherwise be productively deployed on the activities or relationships you really do want to focus on. 

SELF-COMPASSION
Last but not least: have compassion for yourself when you fail to do one of these practices and always give yourself permission to try again. I coach people on these practices for a living, and I do try my best to implement them in my own life. But---let’s be real---I fall short often. And when I catch myself refreshing a news app outside of my preset “when I will look at the news” times; when I don’t get my 30-min daily walk in; when I click that “next episode” button even though I know it’s past my bedtime---I’m just being human. I forgive myself. I reflect a bit to see how I can recommit to my self-care intentions. And I keep going. In your quest to implement these practices in your own life, I hope you will do the same.